Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize