The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
