I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Small penises have feelings too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
