Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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