ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize