i just sent this text using only my big toe
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
