Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
