You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
