Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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