I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize