literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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