Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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