oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
