the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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