There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
