remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
