omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
