saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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