i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
