Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
