Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
