i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
