and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
