Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
