watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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