isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize