You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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