dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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