you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize