Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
