Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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