If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
