Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
