Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
