his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
