if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize