I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
