Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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