Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
