he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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