Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
