I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
