so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
