Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
