I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
