update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
