Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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