i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
