pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
