mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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