remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
