tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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