If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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