If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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