Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
