you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
