Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
