Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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