I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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