I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
