saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
