i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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