You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
