Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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