After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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