and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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