If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
