I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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