Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
