escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
